I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
