but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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