six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
