Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
don't judge my taste in strippers
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
