Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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