just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
