you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
