I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
