Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
