I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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