Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The power of my boobs compel you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
