I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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