I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
