Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
