i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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