Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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