all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
