I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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