I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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