From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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