put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
