New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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