Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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