if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
