get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
