I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
