His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
