Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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