she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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