I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
