It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
