Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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