i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
