listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
