i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
