would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
