He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
