Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
