If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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