Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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