and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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