Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
