I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
