I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
