think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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