Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
