I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
organizing the empties. That sober.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize