i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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