# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
