Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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