my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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