Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
