I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
