i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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