I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
