mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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