i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
