my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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