Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
