Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
