I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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