I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
