I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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