Already got asked if we're dating
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
