Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
