You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
