i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
