I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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