The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
